


Dead Hearts

by Compactor



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5850448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Compactor/pseuds/Compactor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jennifer's death, the Troubles went away for good and life back to how it used to be. Now, twenty-seven weeks later, she's back with a whole new personality, bringing them back with her. </p><p>Season 5A/B AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeliriousMess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeliriousMess/gifts).



> A long time ago, Elegant Soul sent me a prompt on ffnet: Jennifer dies and takes the Troubles away with her, but instead of twenty-seven years, she returns twenty-seven weeks later and brings them back with her. This got out of hand, so here it goes:

For the first time in six months, twenty-seven weeks if you stopped to count, something was working out in Duke Crocker's life. The day was bright and sunny, and the sunlight warming up his skin wasn't requested, but not any less unwanted. It was only ten in the morning and the day so far was going great. He renewed the contract with most of his employees and after two successful finished deals at the marine- fancy and expensive liquor that came all the way from Germany and he actually paid for the green card for a change- at the marine, Duke stopped at Haven House Coffee to pick up some coffee and maybe something to eat. On his way out, Duke found an officer giving him a parking ticket; and seriously, he should have guessed. The day was going to well and that was something impossible to happen on his book. Cursing to himself, Duke walked to the Land Rover to see what was going on. Duke had never seen that officer before and the first he noticed about her was how small she was, almost like a bird. It was obvious Nathan and Audrey were his closest friends, the family he never got to have and Duke liked to think about himself as very present in their lives, but Nathan hadn't commented anything about new officers arriving to Haven. Whether because they were the one of the few cops Duke talked to or simply because he thought Duke wouldn't be interested, he didn't know.

“Something the matter, ma’am?” Duke asked politely when he approached the trunk. Judging by the woman's body language, it didn't seem like things were working out for her either. She didn't look annoyed, exactly, but certainly looked like she wasn't having a good day. Duke wasn't an expert, but whenever he realized someone was having a bad day, he liked to make up stories and wonder why they were having the day they were having. For this woman, Duke guessed that maybe it was because she was stuck with tickets for the day or maybe because something personal happened, he would never find out. She stopped writing and turned to face him, looking Duke in the eyes, and his face went pale- she was Jennifer Mason herself and for a moment that seemed like an eternity, Duke was struggling with his words more than he would've liked. Her hair was longer now and there were almost no curls (only some that seemed made for spending too much time in a tight bun), but her face was exactly like hers; and that made his heart ache more than Duke was willing to admit.

“Sir, is this vehicle yours?” She asked and Duke nodded, still tongue tied and she handed him the ticket, “Good. You're not allowed to park here and I don't want to see this happening again. Understood?”

Luckily for both of them, Duke grew up in Haven and mastered the ability of getting over shocks quickly. For anyone outside, it'd seem like he was starting to feel better- getting his lip back and all-, but who was close to him knew it was just one of many ways Duke used to hide what he was truly feeling and didn't want people around him to know. It hurt seeing her after so long, after trying to desperately move on and failing. Six months later, and it was still rare for a day go by without thinking about Jennifer at least once. Shaking the thoughts off his mind, Duke put a charming grin on his face, "With all due respect, ma'am, I wasn't parking. I was... temporarily leaving my vehicle here while I grabbed some coffee."

"That's, literally, the meaning of parking." There was a hint of amusement there and the more Duke studied her expression, the more he thought she was fighting a smile, and Duke couldn't help but scoff at that. Behind the cop attitude, it was Jennifer all over the place. That brought back good memories, memories that between all the mourning, Duke seemed to have forgotten and it was... good. It was good feeling something else other than pain and bitterness when it came to thinking about her.

Duke had heard the rumors, the townsfolk's quiet whispers here and there, about the Troubles being back. They were scared, of course they were- everyone  _should_  be scared if the rumors turned out to be truth. In the Trouble's highest point, it'd be easier to see people dying an awful death than seeing people being born. There was no reasonable explanation for why they were gone and no one seemed to notice until too many quiet days and too many quiet nights. Six months later and there were no signs of them being back and at first, Duke thought it was just people being paranoid as always. After seeing her there, whoever she was, giving him a ticket and discussing what the  _real_ meaning of parking was, he didn't know what else to believe and started wondering how much of it was related to her.

* * *

 

In the days that followed, Duke learned her name was Rae Imogene. It was... different, to put it mildly, but was exactly like one of those names Jennifer was so fond of and always talked about it. Duke started wondering whether or not she was allowed to choose it or not- sure as hell seemed like it.

Duke hadn't realized that until Rae started coming to the Gull every evening, but somehow the restaurant became somewhere all the cops, attorneys and judges came after a long day of work, as calm as Haven was after the Troubles went away. He wasn't sure how that happened, but something told him it was soon after Audrey moved to the apartment upstairs and he and Nathan decided to try for a friendship once again, after spending too many doing nothing but fight with each other. Rae came to the Gull everyday around six, sometimes around eight- the days she got there later than the usual, she'd be out of her uniform and her hair'd be down-, with someone who seemed to be her partner, plus some other people who Duke guessed it were some of the friends she had made; Rae tried to look happy, but she'd always have a tired beam on her lips that never quite reached her eyes.

Duke found himself noticing every single thing about her. He needed to know whether or not she was still there, if she was still breathing, if she had any bruises on any visible part of her body caused by the job, whether or not Rae was fine since the last time Duke saw her. No matter what he was doing, his eyes always found a way to travel to the booth where Rae was sitting just to look at her and know how she was doing, to know if she was having a good evening or not. That didn't seem to unnoticed and when Nathan caught Duke doing that for the third time, he decided to say something about it, "It's not her."

"What?" His focus went from the woman in the booth to his friend, who was currently drinking the beer Duke offered him as soon as he walked through the door. He hadn't heard what Nathan said and didn't care much either; after all, he had better things to focus on and Nathan was just distracting him, as much as Duke liked the company.

"It's not Jennifer." Nathan started matter-of-factly and Duke furrowed his brow, wondering if that was why he didn't bring up Rae in the first place. His memory went back to the time where Audrey was pretending to be Lexie. Nathan fought her tooth and nail and refused to have anyone but Audrey with him and Duke wondered if he should be doing the same, but then again, it was different. Audrey and Nathan were different people from Duke and Jennifer and their relationship were nowhere near the same as theirs. What they had in common, though, was the fact that their girlfriends, now, had multiple personalities. Duke remembered how Lucy was like when he was eight years old and he remembered how close they were and when she came back as someone else, as Audrey Parker, it was still her; why couldn't it be the same with Jennifer?

"Well, Rae looks like her and  _acts_  like her- it's not like there's something stopping me, either." Nathan rolled his eyes at his response; because of course Duke'd accept her, of course he'd accept whatever was granted. He spent too much mourning, too much  _miserable_  and then, then she was back. It was the same person, no matter how many times she came or how many times she changed her name. He just needed to figure out how to start things with her. Duke was letting his imagination run wild- all the possibilities, everything that could go wrong- and decided it was time for a change, "Where's Audrey?"

Nathan knew what Duke was doing: changing the way their conversation was going into something else, but didn't make a move to stop him. Instead, Nathan beamed at the sound of Audrey, "Precinct. She's finishing the paperwork from last week's case."

Nathan stopped talking as if he was trying to think about something else entirely. A pregnant pause and frowned eyebrow later, Nathan started talking again, "In fact, it was a pretty... weird case, almost like it was Troubled related, but who knows in this town? Anyways, we found the victim near precinct and it seemed like all of his blood had been drained and..."

Duke made an effort to listen for at least five more minutes or at least to pick up some pieces from what Nathan was saying, but then he wasn't listening at all anymore. His eyes made their ways back to the woman sitting on the booth, and who apparently liked, or at least tolerated, shrimps. After two weeks coming to the Gull every single evening, Rae's eyes met his. A smirk touched her lips and for the first time since Duke saw her smiling, it was genuine and reached her eyes; and Duke couldn't help himself but smile too before looking away.

* * *

 

No matter what time of the day was, Wednesdays were always slow and empty at the Gull, especially during the mornings. Most of the regulars would leave early for work, before the restaurant had even opened and only some of them would be back for lunch- it was rushed, sure, but not as much as it usually was and nothing Duke and his employees couldn't easily deal with- and the only ones who'd show up at night were people who obviously had nothing better to do in the morning, as little as the number of those people were.

Duke was cleaning the glasses from earlier that morning when Rae walked through the door. She was checking something on her phone and looked rather amused by it, until she looked up from it and shoved the damn thing deep inside her bag while she made her way to the stool at the bar; the exact same one Jennifer sat every time she decided it was a good time to visit him at work- or simply when she wanted to leave the Rouge for a while and wanted to get drunk; those nights'd always end with Duke carrying her, bridal style and all, to their room to try to convince her to get some sleep-. It was hard to not notice him there, considering Duke was the only one working behind the counter, so Rae offered him a shy beam and he quickly returned, "Hi."

"Hi. Shouldn't you be at work?" Duke asked casually, just like the old times. It almost felt like they were long times friends that talked and saw each other more often than not when, actually, it was the closest thing Duke and Rae had to a conversation since the parking ticket happened- a ticket Duke actually paid for, since Rae was the one who gave it to him-. After two weeks without exchanging words, with their best being looks and smiles, they were doing a pretty good job. Seeing her on a Wednesday was odd, but he enjoyed the company.

"Day off," There was a certain relief on her tone and expression and that made ask himself if that was what working in the force really meant: long and tiring shifts and never keeping regular hours like mostly everyone did. For a moment, Duke considered asking but then realized that'd come awfully rude. Then again, it wasn't like Duke could say much either; more often than not the Gull left him up way past three in the morning and until everything was closed, it was four in the morning. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her voice and Duke started wondering if he spent too much time thinking instead of talking and left her hanging, waiting for a response, "I've been working non-stop since, dunno, I started at HPD? Think I deserve it."

"That's just  _ruthless_ ," It was almost as ruthless as when Vince and Dave insisted Jennifer stayed overnight at the Herald and she didn't get any sleep, but at that moment, Duke didn't get to say anything about it. They weren't anything yet. Rae on the other hand seemed to find it, in the least, funny. Duke almost sounded outraged, as if not having days off and not making their own schedules was something from another world, and that brought a warm and hearty chuckle from the back of her throat- he looked puzzled for a moment (Jennifer's sense of humor used to be fun only for Jennifer and he guessed it was the same for Rae) and decided not to ask-. Her job was tiring, yes, exhaustive even, but she wouldn't change any of it. She enjoyed most of it, specially the part where she got to do her best, to  _be_  the difference in someone's life. On second thought, Rae would change something: the way she always ended up with nasty bruises or wounds on parts of her body she didn't even know existed when she took things too far, or when she had to wait for what it felt like in a hospital room to see if her wrist was broken or not.

"I wouldn't go there, but yeah, I like helping people," The words left Rae's mouth and he didn't need to see her face to know she was smiling, to know that that smile was genuine. Helping people was who she was and was what she did; it was what brought Jennifer to Haven for the first time, in the first place. Helping people was what both of them, Rae and Jennifer, were made of. It was the reason why Jennifer died suffocated at that lighthouse, the reason why she had her personality ripped away from her and it was not  _fair_ , but then again, when was anything ever fair in Haven, Maine? They deserved better, the three of them. Two.

Sometimes Duke caught himself wondering if there was at least a tiny part of Jennifer there or not.

There wasn't much to talk between them- at least not in Rae's case. Before this meeting, they had talked to each other two times, maybe three, if you didn't count the glances and smiles they had exchanged since Rae started going to the Gull after work. Duke and Rae didn't know each other all that much either, and conversation didn't go as easy as it would if Jennifer were the one sitting in front of him. Rae didn't seem to mind much about either; she looked lost on her thoughts, almost like she was running through all of the chores she needed to get done before the day ended. It hadn't passed much time since Rae arrived at the Gull, but Duke was so focused on finishing the task given to him, he forgot to get her a cup of coffee and her order, for that matter. Once done, Duke pushed the glasses aside and excused himself, walking to the kitchen only to come back with a steamy cup of coffee, putting it in front of her.

"Thanks," It seemed like the coffee had brought her out of her limbo faster than expected. She brought it to her lips and took a sip. Deciding it was a nice time for a change of subject, Rae looked up from the cup and then looked at him, "I've been here for a month now and haven't seen any of the town yet. Any suggestions?"

"You've been here for a month?" Duke squinted, ignoring her question completely. It was almost hilarious how  _betrayed_ he felt; Rae had been in Haven for a month, maybe even a little more than that, and Nathan and Audrey hadn't made any move to tell him what as going on. One part of him knew they were trying to protect him, to prevent Duke from going back to the fiasco he was at the beginning. They had come a long way since then, and they probably thought it was a better idea for him to find out on his own. The other part of him, the stubborn and rather childish sometimes if Duke was being honest with himself, couldn't help himself but feel betrayed, like he expected better from both of them. A heads up would've been good.

"Month and a half if you stop to count it," She said and Duke had to stop himself from making a face at her words. Duke wasn't sure if she hadn't noticed or simply didn't care about it, since her eyes were pretty much glued on the cup in front of him instead of his face, "Anyways, most of what I did since I got here is stay in a motel room surrounded by dirty laundry."

"That's... sad," Duke managed after a while, time enough for Rae to drag her eyes away from the coffee to his face, almost as she was studying his features. When she looked hard and long enough, it almost seemed like she knew Duke from somewhere she doesn't remember, somewhere she visited for what it seemed like a long, long time ago. Rae pushed the odd feelings that came too much from thinking about it to the back of her mind, promising herself to only think about it when it was late, when it was late and she was ready to fall asleep, alone with her own thoughts.

“It's not really a motel, it's a bed and breakfast sort of thing—“Rae stopped to catch her breath before turning all of that into nonsense rambling, "I actually got laundry done once, thank you very much.”

“Why are you having breakfast here, then?”

A hint of a smile on her lips and then, “What can I say? I like the shrimp.”

Duke never told Jennifer before (but then again, Duke was stupid for a reason or another and didn't tell her a lot of things; things he regretted not saying), but her smile was the most gorgeous thing in the whole world- and Duke had seen a lot of things; from the impossible that living in Haven brought to all of the tourist attractions from all over the world, and still, there she was, making his knees weak just from the way her lips curved. Duke wondered if Jennifer had any of the power she had when she smiled, of how infectious it was. He wondered if she knew that she could bright up anyone's day,  _his_ day, when she was smiling, of how she could light up a whole room. Not telling her all of that was a mistake he committed once, but not one he would commit twice. At all those thoughts running through his mind, Duke couldn't help himself but return that smile of hers, "Shame, we don't serve shrimp before noon."

Rae's smile quickly turned into a toothy grin, one Duke spent too much time missing and mourning, and for a moment Duke could swear she was fighting a giggle from escaping the back of her throat. The amusement behind her eyes was stronger than ever, and for a moment, there was proud too. Duke didn't get the last part until she opened her mouth and started talking again, “Well, _maybe_ I like the restaurant’s owner too.”

* * *

 

Most of the times, death anniversaries weren't a fortunate thing for anyone, and that wasn't any different for Duke. His dad's was in May, weeks away from his birthday and although he didn't like his father even more than he didn't like his birthday, it was a sort of sad day for its own reasons, and he hated it. On the fourth week of July, it was Evi's death anniversary, and for some reason, it still stung. She was the first person to show him real love- at least he liked to believe that that was the case-, the first person to show him the real meaning of family and no matter how long it had been, it still mattered a lot to him and still wasn't sure if it'd ever stop stinging. Duke wasn't sure if he  _wanted_  to stop, if he wanted to forget or how good they used to be back in the day. There was still love- not romantically, but in an admiration sort of way.

And then, then there was Jennifer's. Her death made every bone of his body ache and it only seemed to get worse as time passed. Six months later, and there still was pain all over the place, more often than not there was a little bit of guilt too, and sometimes it felt like that'd never be over, that it'd never give him a break.

By the time April rolled around, the harsh and typical winter from Maine was long gone and along with that, the cold and snow. As much as Duke hated them, he hated even more how the actual weather didn't fit his mood; spring brought the sun out and the sound of children playing in the streets. Most of the time, the days were warm enough to the point of him not needing one of his sweaters or cardigans and just as all that warmth came with the sun, it went away with too. The nights were still cold, sometimes freezing and bitter;  _that_ fit his mood better and when Duke wasn't working or at the Rouge, he'd often find himself at the Gull's deck doing nothing but drinking and most important of all, thinking. Thinking about how the two of them deserved better, how  _Jennifer_ deserved the better (it wasn't her fault she got stuck in the mess his life was), how her "sacrifice" was for nothing in the end of the day, thinking how he could've stopped everything from happening, and sometimes, thinking about how the two of them never had a  _real_ chance. Not in Haven, anyways.

It was one of _those_ nights when, once again, Duke found himself at the docks. This time, though, Rae was there too. It was surprising, to say the least, since every time Rae came to the Gull she’d choose to stay inside with her colleagues instead of staying out there. As he got closer to her frame, it was easier to notice the expression on her face and her body language; Rae didn’t look _sad_ , no, Duke dared to say it was almost as if she looked _miserable_ , like a part of her world was falling apart, the same look he noticed the day they met. He thought it was simply a bad day and that she was frustrated because she was stuck with tickets the whole shift but apparently, the problem was deeper— a problem Duke was willing to solve.

Cop attitude suited Rae, apparently; her guard seemed to be always up and before Duke even made a move to reach for her arm to squeeze it and announce his arrival, her eyes darted away from the ocean beneath her eyes and focused on his face, her lips curving. It was nowhere near genuine, but at least she was making an effort—he had seen a lot of those smiles during the time both of them were together and quickly learned to recognize each one of Jennifer’s smile.

“Hey,” Her voice was weak, the smile from her face gone. It sounded like she didn’t want to be there at all, really, especially now Duke was there. Wasn’t that the reason why Rae had come to the docks in the first place? To stay away from everyone?  Usually, Duke’d returned the smile, maybe crack a joke to make the room lighter, but he wasn’t in the mood for it either—the seventh month was just around the corner and no matter how much Jennifer and Rae were similar, she’d never be the person he once loved; at the same time they were the same, they had nothing to do with each other and the more he spent time with her, the more Duke learned all of those differences, all of those little things that made her Rae and Rae only.  

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“You don’t actually have a penny,” It wasn’t what Rae meant to say; she wanted to say the true, after all, but it was definitely better than telling Duke she wasn’t sure whether or not she trusted him enough to the point of being truthful, of telling him what she was really feeling and what made staying in Oregon any longer unbearable. Rae wasn’t sure how many people knew about it, but the few ones she had told were the people who worked with her, the people she saw everyday whether she wanted or not.

 “But I _am_ interested in listening to you,” The words left his mouth and her eyebrows shot up. It had been a while since the morning Rae went to the Gull to grab breakfast and since then, their relationship had improved. A few weeks later and there was something else other than just looks from the other side of Gull or not so subtle smiles here and there. Whenever Rae had a day off—and that was a rare thing—, she’d always swing by the restaurant and the two of them would spend however long it took Rae to be done with the food in front of her. When they weren’t talking, there’d be subtle touches here and there, be it a hand on a shoulder or a pat on the cheek from her, “Opening up is… _important_ for your mental health—or so they told me. I’m not a fan of the whole, ah, sharing stuff.”

Rae stared at him, weighting the power of the decision she was about to make. She had been working at the force for a long time and could barely remember a point in her life where working wasn’t involved somehow. After years doing the same thing and catching a lot of people with their hands on the cookie jar, she quickly learned to detect who was a good person, someone worth her while and who wasn’t. Duke Crocker was a good man, she decided, a good man who was trying his best. Before Rae knew it, she found herself wanting more than just casual conversation at the bar while she ate her breakfast—she wanted a friend. Rae didn’t have much of those in Oregon, let alone in Haven, somewhere she had been living for a handful of months; and if Rae wanted that friendship, his trust, then she’d have invest a tiny bit of trust in him too. Besides, it wasn’t like that was a dark secret. It simply was something Rae didn’t want to talk about, didn’t like _remembering_. Duke’d find out at some point anyways, “Dead husband.”

Whatever Duke expected to hear, that wasn’t it. Everything about those two words were unexpected and unwanted, especially the pain that came with them. Duke was aware that Jennifer—part of him still denied that that she was Rae now—had new memories and with that, also came a new life; Duke just didn’t see her having someone. At least not someone important to the point of marrying her, to the point of loving her _that_ much and wanting to spend the rest of his life with her. Duke knew Jennifer deserved all of that before anyone else, but he couldn’t wrap the thought around of that someone being anyone else but _him_ and that hurt more than he was willing to admit. He couldn’t bring himself to form words and continue their conversation; all he could do was look at her and wait for her to keep going. Once again, lucky seemed to be one on his side: Rae took his silence as sign to keep talking, “I… I came here to start over, y’know? It’s been what? Six, seven months and I—I dunno what to do anymore. Nothing works and it hasn’t gotten any easier.”

The silence between them was an uncomfortable one—at least for him. Rae didn’t seem to mind much; in fact, she wasn’t paying any attention at what was happening at all. She seemed to be somewhere else, thinking about something other than Haven and the problems that came with that town. Suddenly, it seemed like something pulled her from those thoughts and a shadow of a beam touched her lips. Her eyes fixed on his face, studying his features before her mouth was open and she was talking again, “What’s _your_ story, Sailor?”

A raw chuckle escaped from the back of his throat. No matter how long it had been since the two of them met or how different Jennifer and Rae were from each other, she was still good at reading people, at guessing how they were feeling. There were many things Duke loved and missed about Jennifer, things that always went unnoticed before he lost her; but the way she was always paying attention to people’s feeling, especially the ones she cared about was what he missed the most about her, “What makes you think I have a story?”

 “We’ve been talking for a while and today you’re awfully quiet—and I’m sorry if I’m wrong but quiet doesn’t really fit you.”

“Fair enough,” Duke said, finally giving in, “Dead girlfriend. It happened six or seven months ago, can’t quite remember.”

“Huh,” Her lips curved and it was a sad, but genuine beam; the first one he had seen the whole time they were talking, “Seems like we’re on the same boat.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Getting her back wasn’t supposed to be _easy._

But still, it was. Everything fell into place quickly after their talk at the Gull. No matter who they were or what they were doing, it was almost as if the two of them were in tune with each other, like they had their own rhythm and no one, no matter how strong they were, could break it. Nothing had _changed_ between them; they still had a _connection_.

Maybe that was just the guilt talking.

“How was she like?” Rae’s question was unexpected, and it definitely felt like someone had punched him in the gut; or like someone had stabbed him in the chest and then took the chance to twist the knife just because they knew how much that’d make him suffer even more. They never really talked about how their lives used to be before whatever they had happened—or at least _Duke’s_ life, because Rae’s life and memories weren’t even real, to begin with—, but it just felt wrong, like he was _using_ her. It was nagging feeling and it was always in the back of his mind no matter how distracted Duke was. Rae looked, talked and acted like Jennifer; had the same code of ethics, even, but it wasn’t her. He loved who Jennifer had became and hated lying to her like that to her, Duke really did, but being honest with her at that moment—when she just had gotten used to Haven—wasn’t an option. Maybe in the future, when Haven’s madness was something they didn’t need worry about.

Their eyes met for the first time in what it felt like an eternity; Duke was being a sentimental fool, he knew that much, but for a moment it seemed like Jennifer was the one talking to him. Then, it was gone again and Rae’s hands were finding his, a reassuring beam touching her lips. She brought them to her lips and kissed them tenderly before speaking again, “Sorry. I didn’t—you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

 “She was sweet,” It took forever for the words to fall out of his mouth, but they were there hanging in the air. Turned out Duke wanted to talk about and get everything out of his chest for months—everything that wouldn’t leave him alone for months. When they were together, even before that, Duke’d rather show Jennifer how much he cared rather than simply saying; Duke Crocker never was good with putting his feelings into words, and when Jennifer came along that only seemed to get even worse, but he wasn’t sure whether or not she had gotten the message, and regretted everyday for it, “Had a good heart, y’know? She… wanted to help everyone as much as possible.”

In one of those rare moments where Duke wasn’t feeling guilt or punishing himself over what happened, he’d try to convince himself that that was probably what got Jennifer killed in the first place. It never worked. Instead, it just made the bad mood come back—and it wasn’t like that was hard in the first place.

“You really miss her, don’t you?” Duke nodded at the words, looking anywhere but Rae; every time Duke looked at her he remembered how close they were to being with each other again, of how close they were to finding their way into each other’s arms and finally beginning the lives the two of them wanted and deserved _before_. Or at least the future _Jennifer_ deserved; the future that belonged to Duke and Jennifer, not Duke and Rae.  It was easy to forget they weren’t the same person and the only reason he hadn’t called her by the wrong name yet was because she walked around with a gun and always mentioned how she felt naked whenever she had to go somewhere without it. The words came out of her mouth and she was whispering now, her eyes shining and Duke knew those pretty well: tears she was fighting to hold back—he had seen enough of them—and that was only when Duke realized Rae was the only one who knew _exactly_ what he was going through. Maybe that was the reason they were supposed to start everything all over again, because maybe, they were the only ones who could pick up each other’s pieces.

“Every day of my life,” Pain seemed to join the tears behind her eyes and Duke couldn’t quite understand whether Rae was feeling for him, for her or for both of them; wasn’t sure if those tears were related to the amount of pain they were sharing, or if simply listening Duke to talk was enough to make her miss her loved one as well. Wasn’t sure if that was just the guilt talking; after all, she was the one who had started the conversation, the one who brought the tension into the room and the one who reminded Duke of something he had managed to forget until a few minutes ago. It’d come back eventually, sure, it always came back, but it didn’t need to be at that moment, when they were so comfortable curled up against each other. 

“I, I know how it feels and well, it sucks a lot,” Even though Duke thought it was a good idea to talk about Jennifer to Rae—he wondered if that could trigger any sort of repressed memory—, he didn’t really touch the subject. That was a sore spot Duke didn’t like picking on very much. It was one of the first times Rae talked about her husband so openly too, but the more Duke heard about him (they were always sharing a bunch of little things that didn’t matter in the end of the day), the more Duke wondered if he existed to Rae, the _real_ Rae, whoever she was, or if all of that was just a repressed memory of him. The idea of finding out more about it, finally getting the answers he wanted, was tempting, but the idea of hurting her and instead ending up pushing Rae away wasn’t exactly what Duke was looking for either.

It’d take a while to get the answers _he_ wanted—to get the answers _he_ needed, but they’d come back eventually. It always did, one way or another, even when they weren’t looking for them.

 “Do you think it’ll ever get better? For the two of us, I mean,” There it was in her voice again; that tone Jennifer’d always use when she was talking about something that happened during the day and upset her deeply, whenever she remembered something her parents had said or done, with pure nostalgia on her voice. It always sounded as if she were about to cry and that wasn’t any different then.

Usually, Duke’d lie to her, say whatever she need to listen to make her feel better again and soothe the pain. Maybe even make her forget about it for a few minutes. At that moment though, lying was impossible, “No, I don’t think so, no.”


End file.
